You have a treasure within you that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer

Narcissistic abuse is trauma. 

Left unhealed, trauma remains stuck in our bodies, dysregulating our nervous system and potentially impacting all areas of our lives, from our personal relationships, friendships and parenting through to our professional lives and careers, even many years down the line. 

You deserve to heal

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, recovery really does hold a special place in my heart, and whilst I recognise that we are all going to have our own, unique experiences, I can absolutely empathise with just how deeply we can be impacted by this trauma.

As well as being certified in working with Post Traumatic Stress and Complex Trauma as an Accredited therapist, I am a certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist™️ and Narcissist Trauma Recovery Coach.

You absolutely deserve to heal!

Soul crushing experience 

The coercive control and emotional manipulation, we can suffer from narcissistic abuse, such as; love bombing, gaslighting, triangulation, hoovering, breadcrumbing, stonewalling, scapegoating, and so much more, can also result in physical, financial, sexual and spiritual abuse. It can be a very confusing and soul crushing experience and we can end up feeling like a ghost in our own lives...that is certainly how I felt.

If you feel like a shadow of your former self, unsure of how to move forward in your life, please take heart, you CAN heal from narcissistic abuse trauma, reconnect to who you truly are, and go on to live a fulfilling and joy-filled life.

Narcissistic abuse describes a pattern of abuse perpetrated by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but also includes abuse by those people who are at the higher end of the spectrum of narcissism, but not diagnosable as having NPD. 

We will all have some narcissistic traits, even at the low end of the spectrum of narcissism, and this is healthy, but the further up the spectrum someone is, nearer to a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the more problems are encountered.

We can experience narcissistic abuse within an intimate or familial relationship, a friendship, in the workplace...in fact, within any kind of relationship.

There are many different types of narcissist, and as human beings, we do not fit neatly into boxes, labels, diagnoses or definitions, but I've described some traits here to help you to start to find some clarity within your own experiences:

Overt/Grandiose - Loud, confident and attention-seeking, overt narcissists thrive on being admired, feel superior to others and will openly boast and brag about their achievements. Their arrogance and dominance make their manipulation more direct and more obvious than a covert narcissist.

Covert/Vulnerable - Covert narcissists are more subtle and passive-aggressive in their manipulation. They can appear charming and sometimes even empathic, but this will often just be an illusion. They can be extremely sensitive and leave you feeling sorry for them. This covert manipulation can silently and slowly erode a person's sense of self-worth, making the danger of this kind of relationship much harder to recognise. 

Communal- A communal narcissist seeks admiration by portraying themselves as very caring or altruistic, but prioritises self-image over genuine concern and career for others. Someone who takes credit for the work of others, pushes their own agenda, gives unsolicited advice, seeks praise, belittles others and presents as a martyr, are common examples of traits. It is not uncommon for communal narcissism to be found in charities and volunteer organisations, workplaces, community groups and spiritual communities.

Somatic- A somatic narcissist is someone who gets their self-worth from their physical appearance. The word 'somatic' means 'relating to the body' and so they tend to believe that they are more attractive than others, stronger than others, and expect attention due to these perceived  superiorities. 

Cerebral/Intellectual - A cerebral narcissist will believe that they are smarter than others, and that they are always right. They often put others down, intentionally make them feel stupid, and will seek to win every argument.

Malignant - Malignant narcissism is a term used to describe a person who has symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD). People who match this description will likely have the following traits; extreme arrogance and sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy and a disregard for the feelings, needs and well-being of others, a strong need for power, take cruel pleasure in the pain and suffering of others, high levels of aggression, including violence, and outbursts of anger towards others, will experience paranoia, hold grudges and take pleasure in taking revenge on others.

Regardless of descriptions, labels and diagnostic criteria, abuse is abuse, and what really matters is you.

No matter what you have experienced, you are NOT responsible for what has happened to you. 

Your kind, empathic nature will have been taken advantage of, and you likely have a pattern of putting everyone else's needs above your own. This can be difficult to hold on to, but please remember, the abuse you suffered was never your fault.

Narcissistic abuse is complex, and our healing can only truly begin once we are out of that abusive environment.

There is no shame in being stuck in a trauma bond - a powerful neurochemical dependency to the cycle of abuse, more than just an emotional attachment.

There is a real withdrawal experience when leaving an abusive relationship.

Add in the cognitive dissonance, a confusing and familiar place for us to be as a result of the gaslighting and coercive control we have experienced, and it can all be very disorienting. 

When we take a holistic, body-mind approach, healing from this trauma really is possible.

We are extremely likely to experience Complex trauma after being subjected to this kind of sustained abuse, in fact I haven't yet met someone who didn't have at least some, if not all of these symptoms, myself included before my own healing:

• Feelings of worthlessness, guilt and shame
• Feelings of being a failure and that you should have done things differently
• Feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
• Intense feelings of anger, fear, sadness or despair
• Difficulty regulating your emotions 
• Difficulty trusting others and avoidance of friendships and relationships
• Feelings of being different to other people, that nobody can understand what happened to you
• Memory difficulties - dissociation experiences can leave experiences feeling scattered or disjointed

Healing will mean different things to different people, but time alone will not give us the nervous system level of recovery that we will need.

Being intentional with your healing and accessing body-mind therapies, like Brainspotting, will allow you to deeply process and release trauma, and ultimately step back into your power...it may not feel like it right now, but it really is possible.

Please hear me when I tell you that you are not going mad, despite what you may have been told by the person who abused you.

• Recovery is possible
• Healing is possible
• Thriving after trauma is possible

I am living proof of this and I am here for you when you feel ready to take the next step towards reclaiming your true self.