Traumatic grief

Traumatic grief is not only about who or what has been lost, it is about how the loss was experienced by the body and brain at the time.

When a death or loss is sudden, shocking, violent, or deeply overwhelming, the nervous system may not have had the chance to process it. Instead of grief unfolding gradually, it can become stuck, fragmented, or frozen, leaving you feeling caught in moments that won’t settle.

People living with traumatic grief often tell me:

“It's like I’m stuck in the moment it all happened.”

“Images or sensations come back out of nowhere.”

“It's like a part of me knows they’re gone, but another part of me doesn’t.”

This can feel confusing and lonely, especially when others expect grief to follow a predictable path.

Traumatic grief usually includes a mix of grief and trauma responses. 

You might notice:

• Intrusive images, memories, or sensory flashes
• Shock, numbness, or a sense of unreality
• Anxiety, panic, or sudden waves of distress
• Difficulty sleeping or settling your body
• Guilt, blame, or looping “if only” thoughts
• Feeling emotionally frozen or unable to access your feelings

None of this means you are grieving in the wrong way. It means your nervous system is still holding an experience that was too much, too fast.

Many people with traumatic grief have already talked about their loss many times. They understand what happened, yet their body still reacts as if it’s happening now.

This is because traumatic grief is often held below words, in the deeper parts of the brain and nervous system that are responsible for survival.

Brainspotting works directly with these deeper levels. By gently focusing on where your system naturally holds the experience, Brainspotting helps your brain and body to process what was overwhelmed or interrupted, without forcing you to relive or explain everything.

Clients often describe Brainspotting as:

• Helping their nervous system settle
• Softening and easing the intensity of images or body reactions
• Allowing emotions to move instead of feeling stuck
• Creating a sense of internal steadiness and safety

In our work together, there is no pressure to move on, make sense of the loss, or grieve in a particular way.

Using Brainspotting, sessions are gentle, paced, and guided by your nervous system. Some may feel quiet and spacious; others may feel emotional or intense. We go at a speed that feels right for you, always with care and attunement.

As trauma responses begin to soften, many people notice that their grief becomes more accessible - less frightening and less overwhelming. 

There is often more room to breathe, feel, and live alongside the grief, rather than feeling consumed by it.

If you are living with traumatic grief, there is nothing wrong with you. Your system responded exactly as it needed to in the face of overwhelming loss.

Healing does not mean forgetting, letting go of love, or closing a chapter. It means your nervous system no longer has to stay in survival mode, and you have more support inside to carry what you have lost.

If you’re wondering whether Brainspotting support for traumatic grief might be right for you, I warmly invite you to get in touch.